i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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