he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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