Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
