i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I have fence marks all over my body
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
