areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
