you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
