I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
