the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
