Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
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like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
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I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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