All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize