people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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