i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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