I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
