MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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