just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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