god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize