eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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