I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
