OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
