yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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