Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
