I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
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I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.