I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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