you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
