hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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