So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
