think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
