i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
