its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
