my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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