Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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