they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
