i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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