U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
