If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
