I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
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