if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
