I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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