apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I love you.
Bad choice
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