Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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