Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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