Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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