Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
