I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
