Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
my being single is dangerous.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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