i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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