How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
