dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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