i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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