You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
