You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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