My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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