Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
