I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
