you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
