No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
