she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
