I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
