I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
