Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
