she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
