ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
