Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
People with herpes should wear stickers.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
