maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
