Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
