Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
