I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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