We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
