I haven't been this sober since birth.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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