It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
