i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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