who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
