I think im going to throw up on grandma
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
