a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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