You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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