Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The best revenge is premature balding
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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