If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
