omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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