after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
