remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
