you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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