She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
