nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
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The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
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Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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