No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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