I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
