i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
