i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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