I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
