My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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