An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Found your dick twin last night
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
