I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
